to the doctor

because graduate school would like to know that i am not diseased, i have to get a primary care physician. and a check-up. and have said doctor sign off on 6 pages of “yep, she’s healthy”.

no lie, i haven’t been for a check-up in 7 years. since high school ended and college wanted to know if i was diseased.

this is partially because i really only go if something is wrong, and partially because i’ve had bad experiences with doctors who do not trust their patients, and assume that i am lying about everything. so i kind of hate going. my blood pressure is always higher at the doctor’s office than it is normally, my heartbeat is always faster, and i’ve had a doctor ask if i felt like i might faint. yes. i might. not because i’m hiding anything, but because i’m waiting for the doctor to accuse me of any number of lies.

my mom’s a nurse, so i’ve been raised to be the most painfully honest patient ever. at the dentist, i will happily inform them that i do not floss, and that seeing as i’m 24 now, can they really teach an old dog new tricks? i’m really hoping that this doctor will be fantastic, and realize that i am an honest person, and that i know that a clean bill of health is only truly clean when the patient is honest, but i have my doubts. which is unfortunate, because going to a doctor is a good thing, and shouldn’t be so miserable and panic-inducing.

anyhow. on this rainy wednesday, that’s what i’m waiting for.