how we celebrated the fourth (too much wine and too many bad movies)

we had our house’s fourth of july shindig on the third, because we wanted to be functional this morning and figured that would give everyone a day to recuperate. we stayed up late caught in an epic “either or” conversation. example: “would you sleep with akbar or chewbacca?” “are you kidding? akbar wouldn’t go in my room. it’s a trap!”, because we are giant nerds.

yesterday my housemates and i went wine-tasting, which went from the originally planned one vineyard for lunch to three vineyards. it was glorious, and we were all pretty much gone by three in the afternoon. i apologize to the good folks at the third vineyard, who were subject to our happily oblivious and highly inappropriate conversations. and our giggling like children when we asked how much hot dogs cost (they had hot dogs! we were FAMISHED). i think we really wanted to ask if we could purchase a hot dog to “cleanse the palate” but managed to restrain ourselves.

upon returning home, i wrapped myself in a blanket, grabbed a leftover bag of chips, and passed out for 20 minutes (possibly clutching the chips) until i was roused from sleep by a dragon on the television, because we watch bad sci-fi movies when we’re drunk. or sober. that was “dragon wars” (i think – maybe “warz”?), and i’m pretty sure it hit on every asian stereotype the world has to offer. i didn’t pay attention to it, and only caught the last five minutes where two snake-dragons fought each other in the middle of los angeles, and then some girl turned into smoke and rode the winning dragon into the sunset. somehow (by which i mean, i picked it) we then decided to watch “snake island”, the WORST science-fiction movie i have ever seen (and y’all, i’m an expert when it comes to bad sci-fi). the house review can be summed up like so: “why would you EVER get off the boat at a place called snake island that’s been deserted for thirty years? this is worse than killer klowns from outer space. that at least had a plot” (clowns with a k, i know). at one point i (with my paralyzing fear of snakes) was rooting for the snakes to kill everyone on screen because there were no likeable characters. at all.

anyhow. that hot mess was replaced by “camelot”, the starz show that just got cancelled, and we watched four episodes in a row, deciding that no one in their right mind would root for the young arthur on that show. guh. he is SO annoying.

i’m surprisingly functional this morning. yay me! i want more coffee, though. and i’m trying to resist the siren call of rice krispie treats (which i just typed as “threats”) from the kitchen, but let’s be real, i won’t resist their sweet song for long.