on my “ideal situation” at school

yesterday, as those of you who follow me on twitter may have noticed, was a Very Grumpy Day. that lower-than-expected grade, combined with my two least favorite courses and a slightly hectic/different schedule, led to what can easily be called a near breakdown. i talked to my dad for a while about what’s been going on this semester – how frustrated i am that the education i’m getting is nowhere near the kind of education i’d be expected to provide as a teacher.

the day before, i’d emailed my favorite professor – she knew things were going poorly and asked me to fill her in. so i did. in the longest email i’ve ever written. i’m really sensitive to the fact that i could easily come across as whining, so i was careful to only include incidents that clearly go against what we’re being taught (playing a movie for class, not providing a rubric for an assignment, having no structure to a class, no syllabus). and it was still a mile long.

her reply nearly made me cry – in a good way. she was completely stunned at what i told her, and told me that i am completely correct to be upset. she asked me to tell her what my ideal situation would be, and we’ll meet next week, and she thinks i should meet with the dean as well (i worked for him for many years, so this is something i’ll likely do).

trying to determine my ideal situation is hard, though. ideally, i’d get a redo on this semester. i know exactly how i expected these courses to run, and i know that, realistically, with 6 or so weeks left in the semester, nothing will really change. i’m trying to figure out the balance between “utopian ideal” and “realistic ideal”…and i can’t quite get there yet. mostly i want to stomp my foot, yell “i’m going into debt, dammit”, and have someone fix it already.

any brilliant suggestions? i want to figure out the perfect way to express myself without bursting into tears.

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