the effect of sunshine on my brain, giving fewer than one hooey about things, and sleep deprivation
shorter title: i’ve lost my damn mind.
after a not-cold-but-not-warm-just-kind-of-yucky winter, it suddenly went from “40” to “80” in the temperature department. and i realized, yet again, that while i don’t get totally down and blue in the winter, i get freakishly high on life when it is sunny and warm and i find myself literally laughing out loud with joy at how goddamn gorgeous the weather is*. in public. like a crazy lady. i get sun-drunk, i think. and sunburnt, as this past weekend reminded me – i have a slightly uneven boob-burn (NOT from nude sunbathing, dear baby jesus no. from wearing a low-cut top and walking outside for an afternoon). along with that, i have a pale patch smack dab in the middle of my sternum from the tree-shaped necklace i wore. hoo boy, you want to make drunk people laugh? tell them that at a party. though apparently, getting sunburnt on saint patrick’s day nullifies the wear-green requirement, because (and i quote) “you’re doing the irish proud”.
in addition to the sun-drunk aspect, i’m also suffering from 6-weeks-to-go, my-classes-are-driving-me-insane syndrome. symptoms include, but are not limited to, doing all work at the last minute, sending angry emails during class to peers seated near you, accidentally making a face during class that expresses your feelings, and eye twitches. this semester in particular has been rough. i have talked about it plenty, but it’s simply frustrating to feel that your professors don’t care about what they’re teaching. i just need it to be summer so i can reboot and maybe regain some confidence that going back to school was the right choice. i am SO ready to have my own classroom and teach, and part of me thinks that maybe i’m not ready yet…but another part of angrily points out that it is NOT clear that my course load is preparing me at all. also, i love being around the little kids, and helping them work through things that make NO SENSE AT ALL to their tiny developing brains, and i just want my own class now. please. and thank you.
finally, and this is why i’m concerned i’ll just burst out laughing or crying at some point, i am so sleep-deprived it’s worrisome. the neighbors had a raging screaming match outside my bedroom window this morning around 2. a very early phone call held in another room of my house occurred at 6:30, and worked its way into my dream, and confused me completely. so i am dragging, basically. and it’s no fun. class happens in two hours, so i’m going to run home to grab one thing, trolley to starbucks, and rally for math methods.
it looks like rain, too. glory be. i’m going to fall asleep standing up.