reasons i cannot diet

(not that i feel that i need to, just that “eating three balanced meals” is a good thing)

1. i HATE breakfast but i’ve been making myself eat a bowl of stupid cereal* every morning for the past…month? sure.

2. then my stomach KNOWS food is out there, and gets hungry at like, 10:30, which is NOT LUNCH TIME BY ANY MEANS.

3. so i eat lunch at 11:30.

4. and avoid snacking because to me, snacking is “eat an entire bag of chips” but it’s cool ’cause i get the bags of the “healthier potato chips”

5. then i get home and am FAMISHED at, oh, 5.

6. i wait till 6. i eat a normal portion of something. pasta, for example.

7. i try to not eat sweets. sometimes i eat a very small portion of chocolate chips.

8. at approximately 8:30, i am weak with hunger and make myself a PB&J and settle down to watch crossing jordan and feel like perhaps i have not yet grasped what “actual portions” are and that i should also learn how to snack without overdoing it.

9. sigh. i fail. also i want a cookie.

*stupid cereal is not a brand, to my knowledge. if that is the case, i will totally invent it. and eat it with loathing.