in which i earn points towards my grown-up card, with bonus cake

today, i had a little epiphany. no angels sang, i saw no light (beyond what was fluorescently lighting the classroom), and it wasn’t a spectacularly thrilling moment. but i still count it as a little epiphany. those are the good ones. big epiphanies tend to be a bit more bad news, like when i realized in college that just because everyone else loved my boyfriend, did not mean i had to. that was a BIG BAD EPIPHANY. and led to a solid school year’s worth of miserable guilt.

but this! this was a sweet little bubbly happy pop! of an epiphany.

i realized that if i doubt myself on something (in this case, math), and i think i know something that falls within that bigger something, other people will doubt me because they can tell i doubt myself on a deeper level. so if i, y’know, really believe that i am good at a particular thing, other people will pick up on it.

in this case, i was working on a math task with a friend, and i suggested we do something differently, and she wasn’t sure, and even though i knew, on a logical basis, that my idea was the right idea, i just…let it go. and then five seconds later our professor talked through the task and my idea was the one that was the answer.

and pop!

i mean. as a future teacher, i tell students all the time, “you aren’t bad at math” (or reading, or writing, or whatever). and i tell them to believe in themselves. and i think some part of me thought that was just…silly. or too campy. and now i suddenly get why it’s important. it isn’t just that you believe in you for you. you believe in you so that others will, too.

SO. that was my little epiphany. possibly something others have sorted out. but i felt a release when that clicked for me, and while it’s not like i immediately believed in myself in all areas, i think…maybe i’m on that path now.

and now, the promised bonus cake.