on happiness, and finding it

one of my least favorite characteristics (that I so thoroughly embody) is overworrying. the manfriend and I were discussing Things That Make Tess Anxious today, and y’all, the list is alarmingly long. in no particular order: spontaneous combustion, finding an apartment, packing, moving, job hunting, the score on the test I took for my license, dealing with professors who maybe don’t like me, and whether or not I broke my rib.

we didn’t discuss all of that. but that’s a bit of what my brain nibbles on all freaking day. it can get loud in here.

so in order to find my happy, I think I need to let go of my worry. send it to a nice farm in the country with other worries. I recently read an article that said, in short, to make a decision, you should flip a coin. whatever you find yourself hoping for as the coin goes up-that’s your answer. while I won’t be flipping coins all the time, I might do some mental quarter tosses to find what makes me happy. this is not hedonism – I’m much too anxious for that – but more about making sure I’m doing things I like. I’m not sure exactly how that will help me feel less anxiety, but I think if I approach my life with more certainty (as in, “yep, this will make me happy”), I may start to worry a little less. it’s not a resolution, because I can’t keep those, but I think helps to give the year a theme. my theme is Happy, Not Anxious.

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