secret single behavior (new term: beauty-specific behavior)

this is a concept from sex and the city, and all i really remember is that the episode ended with charlotte staring at her pores in a magnifying mirror.

but having been in a long-distance relationship for nearly three years (whoa), i’ve been able to hang on to my SSB because the man-friend and i only see each other on the weekends, mostly.

let’s be honest. some of my behaviors include eating tortillas with just cheese and this weird french flavor sauce (maggi? i think?) and it’s definitely not healthy or really even appealing. but this is more about the beauty-specific behaviors. BSB?

sometimes they include obsessively staring at my eyebrows with tweezers hovering, ready to pluck the errant hairs that only i can see. other times it’s putting on a green face mask (avocado and oatmeal) and crawling into a boiling hot bathtub to exfoliate the bejesus out of my legs.

lately, though? it’s become “staring into the mirror trying to determine if that’s a wrinkle or not”, because i saw one photo in which my undereyes looked crepey, and i promptly had a heart attack. so now my new thing is to peruse beauty products for good eye cream. i have a brightening one, but that seems more useful for hungover mornings, and i read that retinol (what is that? does anyone know?) is great for preventative attacks on eye wrinkles.

but do i need retinol anti-aging? or one with ferulic (um…also…is that a real thing?)? something called “eye contour cream” that costs $55??? should the cream be firming, plumping, or both? CAN I GET BOTH? why does one eye cream cost $95, and another $110?

oh no. one cream is for eyes and lips. do i need to add “lip wrinkle inspection” to my BSB?

so. that’s what i do when i’m bored. obsess over potential wrinkles. god help me when i get a grey hair.