everything hurts, i can’t breathe, and i HATE THIS {running}


that title should tell you how i felt on my three runs this week.

more so on my tuesday run than my friday run, and more so on my friday run than my run this morning.

my training program uses intervals for the first nine weeks – run for X minutes, walk for X minutes. it started with two weeks at a 1 minute run/1:30 walk interval, then the next two weeks went to 1:30 run/2 min walk, then 3 minute run/90 second walk…and week seven (this past week) amped it up to 4 minute run, 1 minute walk. and i know that takes time to adjust to, mentally and physically. but week 6 was my first week where my brain and my body were syncing up – and i really felt like a runner. which was awesome, yes. but this week my brain and body were in different places. i think i am mentally ready to run more, but physically…ow.

it doesn’t help that it’s much more humid out, and my tuesday run felt wheezy, and my friday run did as well. today was less humid, but i still felt this wall (that’s the only way to describe it) about 3/4 of the way through my run. i had to walk during some of my run intervals, which makes my inner control freak real cranky. i set limits for myself when i walk – for example, sexyback was the song playing at one point, so i walked for two lines of that song, then ran for at least one more minute before i thought about walking again.

first run with my knee brace. i think it helped.

first run with my knee brace. i think it helped.

i know that it’s totally okay if i walk. hell, i walked a few times when i was supposed to run, and you know what? i still had my best pace (10:30). and i ran the furthest i’ve run during this program. and that was really good.

and i finished. for me, that is the most important mental barrier. i cannot let myself quit. i’m holding myself accountable to this program, to this routine, and when i feel like the title of this post, i start talking to myself. out loud. in public.

you can do this.

keep going.

YES. two miles.

i say those things to myself, and i keep moving. left foot right foot left foot right foot. breathe in breathe out breathe in breathe out. i focus on anything but how much my quads hurt, or my lungs, and i keep going.

and then after my run, i lie down on the driveway and stretch and listen to the birds telling each other stories (and the cicadas, shrieking so loudly that i paused on my run to look for the ambulance because that had to be a siren), and i look at how freaking blue the sky is, and how green the trees are, and i am grateful.

seriously, so blue.

seriously, so blue.