virgin viewing: Lost (pilot: part 2)

diving back into my quest to watch a show that tons of people i know were/are obsessed with, and that i just…never watched, with the exception of bits here and there, and reading enough internet to know names and general storyline and also that it’s a convoluted show! back to part 2 of the pilot.

i’m not bothering with screenshots because it gets all dark and weird in the image i post, and i don’t like it.

we’re back with Jack, Charlie, and Kate, hiking through the forest with the broken transceiver. do they have bug spray? if i had survival skills, they’d tell me that bugs on this remote island will be giant and blood-hungry, so i’d raid some suitcases for anything with DEET.

Charlie blatantly lies to Kate about puking in the bathroom back at the cockpit. not sure what he’s covering up but no one is that happy to say they were throwing up. also, the flashback shows Charlie (who needs to get his manicure updated, ew) freaking out on the plane, and the flight attendant getting suspicious. to be fair, he just looks super anxious, so i feel that perhaps their suspicion (which may be warranted) is kind of snarky – it cannot be unusual for people to look worried on planes. then, he lunges for the bathroom, and three flight attendants go after him – and the plane hits the not-very-okay turbulence. 

two thoughts here: one, does he switch to the other side of the plane to lose the flight attendants? because you can’t lose someone on a plane. and two, what else has the main flight attendant lady been in? she looks familiar.

in the swanky first-class bathroom (kidding, it’s just as dingy as all the other classes’ bathrooms), Charlie pulls off his show and pulls out…a bag of sand! no, it’s totally heroin. (is it? i’ve never seen heroin. i’m assuming here. it’s not like he conveniently labeled the bag or anything). he takes some, i notice that one hand has never seen nail polish and the other has (but only at the cuticles), and then he drops the bag into the toilet, hits the flush button, and is promptly flung into the air, which is why we never flush the toilet, kids. as he scrambles back to his seat, i realize that maybe he wasn’t up in first class for the heroin-taking…and i have no idea whether or not he was able to flush it. SO MANY QUESTIONS.

back on the beach, Shannon has decided that the middle of a massive crisis is the perfect time to work on one’s tan. she is a moron, i think. Boone asks if she wants to help sort through clothes, she says no, and Claire (pregnant Aussie) asks if that’s her boyfriend. i do appreciate the “why are you speaking to me?” Epic BitchFace that Shannon gives her (mostly because that’s quite the face, not because Claire deserves it), but Shannon deigns to respond – Boone is her (way hot) brother. in the ensuing conversation, Claire says that her baby hasn’t moved since the previous day – unnerving, but i’ve also seen part of an episode where there is a baby on the island, so i’m pretty sure the kid is okay.

meanwhile, Sun and Jin (who i nominate for Most Attractive, because, seriously, they’re really pretty people. then again, everyone is attractive on this show, so maybe the flight criteria was just the one: be sexy) are off on their own. Michael approaches, looking for Walt, and since she doesn’t speak English, no dice. and a weird moment between Jin and Sun, where he tells her to button her cardigan all the way up…guys, is Jin awful? i am torn between Control Freak is Mean and Sexy Man is Sexy here.

Walt is off looking for Vincent (the adorable dog). if i were a kid marooned on a desert island after a terrifying plane crash, and i was lucky enough to have a parent with me, i’d stick to my parent like glue. you could not pay me to wander the island. i mean. for the dog? i get that. but get some help, and don’t go off alone. instead of the dog, Walt finds a pair of handcuffs, which he shows to Michael, who looks appropriately concerned. though, between Escaped Convict and Unknown Crashy Monster, i’d pick the former.

Sayid and Sawyer have a big fight (we don’t see the start of it, but clearly Sawyer implied that Sayid crashed the plane, because racism) – which is broken up as The Three Musketeers return with the  transceiver. Sawyer says that the handcuffs that Michael found must belong to Sayid because he was in the back row of business class (is that the row for criminals? why is that an assumption being made?). Kate breaks the fight up completely by asking for help with the transceiver, which Sayid offers. he heads off to work on that, and Jack goes to check on the guy with shrapnel poking out of his chest.

man. i love Hurley. i also love his awkward face when Sayid tells him that he fought for the other guys in the Gulf War.

Kate is off filming a quick Victoria’s Secret ad (our bras will hold up when you’re crash-landed on a deserted island!) when Sun calls to her. i’m not 100% sure what the communication between the two of them is, as Kate just sort of nods at her and looks pensive. Kate heads back to the beach, talks to Sayid about the transceiver, and the idea of heading to very high ground to try to get a signal is broached. this seems like a dangerous life choice.

Jack talks about the genius idea of removing shrapnel from the wounded guy’s chest – um, no? not sure he’d live. at all. Kate’s basic reaction is, “okay, cool. i’m going to go hike to the top of Death Mountain now”. GREAT IDEA.

Jin prepares sea urchins to offer to Hurley, and slaps Sun’s hand when she reaches for one. charming. i dig her rebellious unbuttoning of the cardigan, though. Hurley takes one look at the urchins and politely refuses – “i’m starving, but…no”.

hey, Michael? don’t offer to buy the kid another dog. not actually a helpful thing to say.

Charlie takes some heroin over by a pine tree grove (WHAT IS THE BIOME HERE?), while Jack enlists Hurley to find antibiotics in luggage. meanwhile, Shannon is clearly having the most normal reaction to the crash: sitting and crying, so Boone kindly calls her worthless. okay, now i like her? because…i’d sit and cry, too. Shannon’s sensible reaction is to join Kate and Sayid (and High-as-a-Kite Charlie) on the trek to Death Mountain.

Sawyer basically looks like a perfume ad at all times

Sawyer basically looks like a perfume ad at all times

okay, fine. ONE picture. Sawyer is reading a letter while looking sad (that’s how i read letters, too), and joins the trek – which is now Kate, Sayid, Charlie, Shannon, Boone, and Sawyer. this is a lot of people to go hike up unknown terrain. but i’m sure nothing will go awry. also, less of a hike, more of a ropes course going uphill on red clay. whee!

Michael gets his son’s age wrong – “nine…ten. ten.” – when talking to Jack. huh. okay. maybe he just had a birthday? Jack mentions seeing the dog earlier, which is great. Locke is playing backgammon (yay!), and Walt gets curious. we learn that Walt was living in Australia with his mother, who has just passed awe (AH, this show. i may cry). Locke explains that the game is older than Jesus (i need to fact-check this), and then:

"two sides: one is light, one is dark."

“two sides: one is light, one is dark.”

okay. i know enough internet to know that i’ve seen this image (or one like it) in a lot of Lost-related posts. that’s all. Locke then offers to tell Walt a secret…and so naturally, we cut to Jin offering seafood to Claire. she has something orange, and the baby kicks! YAY, BABY!

on the hike, Sayid and Sawyer, unsurprisingly, are at each other’s throats, when there is a rumbling crashing sound, and everyone basically pees his or her respective pants. except Sawyer, who is like “this is why I have my gun, and chiseled jaw”, and combines the two to shoot…a polar bear.

what in the actual eff, y’all?

Dr. Jack and Nurse Hurley are about to yank the shrapnel out of the mystery man – Hurley checks his consciousness by calling “there’s a rescue plane, we’re saved, yay!”, and this makes me love him even more. Hurley is also in my club, because he passes out cold at the sight of blood. my man, Hurley.

back on the Surprise Polar Bear Express (see what i did there?), everyone is all…what? and huh? it does lead to a great exchange between Kate and Sawyer:

“Where did that come from?”

“Probably Bear Village, how the hell would i know?”

“Not the bear, the gun.”

Sawyer says he found the body of a US Marshal, and took the gun (and his badge) – so Sayid naturally says “you’re the prisoner”. guys. okay. what. this is ridiculous.

besides, obviously, Kate is the prisoner. with fabulous hair. we flashback to her, on the plane, handcuffed, next to the marshal, who (i think) is the guy with shrapnel in his chest on the beach). she begins to ask him a favor, then the plane begins to crash, and she has to grab his keys in order to free herself in order to get the oxygen masks and then the plane breaks in pieces and i basically don’t breathe for the entire scene. the marshal wakes up mid-surgery and asks Jack “where is she?”, which means nothing to Jack, and also, how do we know Kate is Kate’s real name??

Sayid checks the transceiver and they get a bar – meaning, reception! woo! he sends out ‘mayday’, and they get…feedback. which means something is there. holy pants. apparently something else is transmitting from the island, which is why they cannot transmit. a bit of fiddling with dials gets them the voice of a French lady (“The French are coming! I’ve never been so happy to hear the French!”). Boone begs his sister to try to translate the French, but they’re interrupted by a man’s voice saying “Iteration number 7 2 9 4 5 3 1”, and then the batteries begin to die.

the French woman says “il est dehors”, which means “he is outside” and “ils sont morts, ils sont tous morts” (they are dead, they are all dead) (my French is coming is handy). turns out, this recording has been transmitted on a loop, and that iteration up above is how many times it’s been sent out. somehow, Shannon hears “please come get me” – i heard the “please help me”, but sister is missing the “he is outside” part, which seems important? she translates the rest of it, and i don’t totally agree with her translation. i swear she says “it is just me (something) here, (i cannot tell what she says here, but she doesn’t say the word for “now”, which Shannon seems to hear), please help us, they’re all dead, they’re dead, he/it killed them, he/it killed them all, i’m going to go to the (something)”. i swear to you i heard her say “he is outside” earlier, so…i’m not sure what that means. maybe i’m hard of hearing. meanwhile, Sayid determines that the 30-second message has been playing for 16 years and 5 months. yo. that’s bad. Charlie ends the episode with a very astute query: where are we?

OKAY. so despite my uncertainty about Shannon’s translation abilities, i’m so hooked. i’m going to watch one episode a week, to stay as true to the viewing experience as i can.

sigh. this show. it’s intense.