bachelorette: week 8 {recap/ridiculous}

hometown visits! i am SO excited for these. if you’re new to the show, in this pivotal week, Des goes to visit each of her remaining men in their hometowns – usually meeting the families and seeing the guys in their natural habitats. this post is long, because i have a lot of words about this show.

Zak’s hometown visit

we start with Zak, in Dallas. he tells us “if people think i’m crazy, just wait till you see my crazy family” – which is promising, right? not for the relationship he wants, but for my entertainment. Des has a really forced smile, which bodes not well.

perplexed, it seems

this is the face she shows him when he talks.

Zak tells Des about a dream he had the night before…y’all, basically, Des looks SO uncomfortable. also, based on the dream, I think Zak ate something weird before bed. he bounds off to…wherever, and Des stands there thinking about how much fun their life together could be, and how much spirit he has, and really, honey, this is you trying to convince yourself Zak is a guy you want to be with.

I KNOW YOU'RE NOT INTO HIM, DES.

I KNOW YOU’RE NOT INTO HIM, DES.

then, we hear creepy music, and the most hideous vehicle ever pulls up, and Zak’s family apparently has a sno-cone truck.

i am so curious as to her thoughts in this moment

i am so curious as to her thoughts in this moment

um. alright. i don’t even know. but given that Des is all “this takes me back to my childhood”, i think that’s another nail in the coffin for Zak – you don’t want your significant other to permanently associate you with being a kid. it’s good to be grown-ups sometimes. they pull up to “an elementary”, because Des is terrible at what we call things. (like, would you ever have said “i’m going to middle next year!” when you were intending to say “i’m going to middle school!”? NO). anyhow. they’re at an elementary school, and a herd of kids (who i’m guessing were encouraged to not stand in line EVER) crowd around the truck.

so many tiny hands!

so many tiny hands!

apparently, when Zak runs up in a penguin suit, that’s evidence to Des that he’ll make a great father. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL EFF? what standards is she using here? i should also have kept count of how often she said he is “so positive” or “has a positive outlook”, because it happens enough that i start to wonder if he’s, like, dying, and so she’s really impressed that he’s so positive because everyone knows he’s being eaten from the inside out by ants, or something.

then we’re off to meet Zak’s family, who have apparently scared women off in the past. this tells me two things. one, Zak doesn’t pick women who might be a better fit for him – if his family is crazy, maybe he should look for that in his significant others? but he probably is picking less-crazy because maybe, just maybe, he doesn’t always love the crazy. and two, he should be a grown-up and tell his family “hey, this girl is important, please tone it down when you first meet her”.

the family seems sweet – a sister, a (hot) brother, and his parents. the reactions they give when he tells them his limo exit was shirtless are pretty amusing.

very attractive. and horrified by his brother's shirtless behavior

very attractive. and horrified by his brother’s shirtless behavior

there is a lunch, and lots of laughing, and i would not hate sitting at a thanksgiving dinner with this group. Des and Maryann (his mom) head off to chat, and talk about how this show leads to an added challenge of “how do you know you’re getting the real person in such a short period of time?”, and Des says she “asks the hard questions…and trust God”, and Maryann doesn’t respond about God, which is interesting, because I think religion is a big part of Des’ life, so either it isn’t for Zak’s mom/family or she just didn’t hear. the conversation with Zak’s sister (Carly) is interesting. it is clear that she adores her goofy brother, and wants to be sure that Des loves him as much as he loves her. which…no. Des says the lethal phrase “i want the best for Zak”. Carly expresses concern to the cameras, and i think she’s right to do so.

Zak and his mom sit and chat. he’s stupid in love, y’all. and i think Des loves him the way you love a best friend, but not in the way he loves her. he says “I’ve fallen in love with the person she is” AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. as opposed to falling in love with, what, just her eyes? and it seems like Zak has been single and worriedly so for a while, because his mom says she thought he’d given up completely. Zak tells us “i’ve been holding out so long to meet the right person”, and i’m not sure if he just means he didn’t plunge into long-term with the wrong people or if he means he’s waiting for marriage. curious. AND THEN. his family. sings. to. Des. “it’s a moment i’ll never forget”, she says, but what she means is to add on “because holy pants, that’s weird”.

NOPE

NOPE

Des and Zak go sit outside, and he’s getting ready to say that he loves her, and then he pulls out a freaking ring, and i was thinking it would be like, a silver band, or something not engagement-looking, and no:

bad gift idea

bad gift idea

bad reaction, yo

bad reaction, yo

that is not the facial expression one wants to see. and that’s how the hometown date with Zak ends, and then i went and hit my head against the wall.

Drew’s hometown date

aw, this post is miles long. sorry. Drew is in Arizona, and we’ll be meeting his dad, mom, step-dad, brother, sister, brother-in-law, and his sister’s two kids. that is a lot of people. also, let’s look at body language here:

touchtouchtouch

touchtouchtouch

she cannot. stop. touching. for Drew, that’s a good sign. he tells her his family has never seen him when he’s fallen this hard for someone. they head off to pick up another relative – his sister Melissa, who has a severe mental disability – no communication, cannot feed or bathe – and who Drew is excited for Des to meet. and nervous. he is so nervous. i may or may not tear up when Drew and his sister greet each other. she lives in a home with two other women with similar disabilities, and a couple folks who help them out. the three of them head off to see the rest of the family. Drew tells us that he plans to tell Des that he loves her – wait. did he not do that last week? i’m confused. yes. he did tell her he was falling last week.

Linda (his mom) tells us that he’s her baby, and she doesn’t want him to get his heart broken. to me, this implies that her other kids’ hearts are up for the breaking. she asks her son how Des makes him feel, and he tells her that Des really understands him, and that he “feels like (he’s) never felt before”, which is a non-answer. he also says he’s been very honest with her about growing up with his sister, divorce, and his father’s alcoholism.

Des talks with Drew’s dad and says that Drew’s eyes first caught her attention. they chat, and then he asks “do you believe in angels?”, which she says she does, and “have you ever met one?” and let’s go to Des’ face here:

"this is a trick question...what do i say?"

“this is a trick question…what do i say?”

she says she hasn’t, and he’s like “well, you have”, and he means Melissa, and talks about how having Melissa in their family has taught them so much. aw. and he tells his son that he gives his blessing to them both for marriage. GAH SO MANY THINGS. and it is clear that she loves his family – how she feels about Drew, i’m still not sure. i think she’s falling, but i don’t think she’s in love. he tells her that he loves her, and “i want you a part of my life”, which is almost a sentence. also, this hometown was short compared to Zak, but maybe because it was less painful.

Chris’ hometown date

we’re in Oregon for Chris’ hometown date! he’s picked her some flowers from a trail, which is adorable

aw, cuteness

aw, cuteness

apparently, Chris played professional baseball, a fact i either never knew or failed to remember. they go to the baseball field where he played as a kid. this is where i realize that Des has actual athletic skills. i am suitably impressed, as baseball is a sport that i find alarming to play. they sit for food, and look through sketches she’s done of each of their adventures so far, and again, body language indicates all is good for Chris:

so much leaning. so many baseball caps

so much leaning. so many baseball caps

they talk to her family (sorry, i got absorbed in them for a bit, so forgot to write words) over lunch (WHY IS IT ALWAYS LUNCH?), and mention that Des apparently fell off a rock and tweaked her back. lo, Chris’ pops, George, is a chiropractor, and offers to adjust her spine. SURE.

after getting her back worked by George, the two of them sit and chat about Chris. George is super soft-spoken, which i think his son got from him. LOL, Chris says “brb” to his family when he goes downstairs to talk to his dad. who wants to know that Des “takes care of herself” – did Chris date someone who only ate ice cream? wtf? and then. he gets “the nose adjustment for the head”, which means something to someone, but not me.

i think this is for sinus problems. or confusion.

i think this is for sinus problems. or confusion.

Chris’ mom and Des go to chat next, and she talks about how his last relationship hurt him badly. Chris talks to his siblings about how important their opinions are to him. haha, best moment of the episode: talking about his last girlfriend, his sister says she didn’t like her from the start (and neither did grandma or mom, apparently), and Chris says “right, you liked her but there was something not there” and she responds “no”. meanwhile, Des and his mom are talking, and talking, and talking, and Chris looks ill. he finally gets to chat with his mom, who wants to be sure Des isn’t insecure. Chris tells her he thinks Des is the one – and his mom waits FOREVER before saying “i really like her”. good god, woman. and she gives the family blessing.

Des heads off, and i think…i dunno. something about his family is off to me, and i can’t figure out what. maybe they’re just not my people. that’s cool. Des seems chill with them.

Brooks’ hometown date

we’re in Utah for the last freaking date. remember, Des loves Brooks. and Brooks? doesn’t know how he feels. ruh roh. he is clearly struggling with not being around her all the time. i dunno, dude, one of the best pieces of advice i have ever heard about relationships is that if you can’t stand being away from that person, if they feel like home, it’s love. Des shows him a list she wrote up of favorite memories. d’aw. they are like a commercial for being adorable and wearing plaid. maybe LL Bean for Young People?

seriously, you two. ridiculous.

seriously, you two. ridiculous.

one thing that Des never talks about is being equals with her partner – she talks about having fun, or being spontaneous, and  i think she may want to think about the balance in the relationship, and the give-and-take of relationships, and that when you’re just being low-key and not wild, what is it like?

his family is HUGE, and they all wear nametags, which is quite thoughtful. also, this is the only dinnertime family thing of the episode. INTERESTING. Janice (his mom) and Des head off to talk, and holy crap, i’m tired of this episode. yada yada, Des sees potential in Brooks, yawn. Brooks talks with his brothers (or a brother and an in-law?) about what he likes about her – she’s funny, blah blah blah. he talks to his sister – who asks him if he always wants to be with her AND SEE, SHE AND I ARE THE SAME. he and his mom talk last – and she says that the family trusts his judgement, which, dude, i love that. instead of being all “bring her home” or “i give you my blessing/permission to love this person”, they’re all “you’re a grown man, we trust you”. LOVE.

one thing: i know Des loves him, but he is the only guy who hasn’t said that he loves her – to us or to her. i still think he’s going to get a rose, but he needs to step up and figure it out.

final things

Des’ brother Nate is here.  y’all haven’t seen crazy until you’ve seen Des’ brother casually accuse Sean of being a toolbag who was just in it for the fame. that was SO painful last season. apparently Des has not seen her brother since that incident. she so clearly is still mad at her brother right now. he asks about the guys, and he clearly hates this show completely. cannot say that i blame him. he’s also worried that her heart will be broken, and i think he’s just being a big brother, but maybe fumbling a bit. he tells her he supports her, and they leave it at that – it’s unclear at the break if the guys will meet him or no.

the pre-ceremony chat with Chris Harrison is fine. she claims that none of the dates were disastrous, and i have to wonder what planet she was on for Zak’s date, as that felt horrendous to me. she says that she thinks she’ll get a ring by the end of the show, and indicates that Brooks is the one who should propose.

ROSES, AT LAST. Des is completely choked up, which, yeah, anyone would be. Brooks gets the first rose, Chris gets the second, and the third-and-final rose goes to Drew. not surprised at all by this. i am distracted by the pointy sequiny things on Des’ dress’ rear. it’s like her butt has fangs. she very delicately explains that she knows how much he felt, and she didn’t feel that, and he deserves good things, and ugggh i hate this. ohmygod. the ring. she says she doesn’t know if she should keep it. she returns it, and y’all, i cannot wit this goodbye. Zak is maybe goofy, but he seems like a good person and i feel really sad for him. it is never, ever pleasant when a break-up happens because one person was way more into the relationship than the other person – for the person who is less into it, it can feel like a lot of pressure, which isn’t the intention of the other. and for the person way into the love? it is much like having the floor vanish at your feet because all that love can cloud your ability to read the feelings of the person you love.

next week is Men Tell All, which i won’t recap unless you want me to.

Advertisements