checking in on the stress

this week has been stressful, and i am certain that i’ll have a serious meltdown at some point in my first year of teaching – it’s a given, and i’m aware that everyone has at least one, and i’m just hoping mine doesn’t hit while i’m in the middle of teaching.

but i mean…i don’t want a meltdown. who does? i’m trying to find ways to balance myself, and maybe give myself some padding to either prevent the meltdown or keep it from bruising me too badly. i’m trying out something i’m calling False Confidence, which…is what it’s called. i’m just holding my head up, shoulders back, and feigning confidence in it all. it’s better than getting bogged down in the things that stress me out.

i do vent. don’t get me wrong. but i try not to do it too much, because it colors the view of everyone around me, and it seems important, on a team of many new teachers, to keep the atmosphere happy.

i also play loud music, and make lots of lists aimed at set goals, and take great pleasure in checking things off those lists. and i remind myself that i’m ready for this year.

stress is such an odd thing. it’s not really an emotion, more a state of being that affects emotions. but it sit on my shoulders, and in the small of my back, and creeps along my feet. it’s the kudzu of my brain. i am not sure yet if i will ever be without stress (i certainly picked the wrong profession for that option), but i think i can learn to manage it, to build in supports where it hits the hardest, to let myself cry it out on occasion, and then to square my stance, head up, eyes forward, jaw set, and decide that come hell or high water, i’m doing this thing.

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