don’t trust the b – review

since moving in together, we’ve discovered the distinct joy of watching tv shows together – Sleepy Hollow, The Blacklist, and Almost Human are on the current Hulu rotation. we also watched Don’t Trust the B in Apartment 23 (hello, winter break, you glorious bastard…i’ve caught up on a lot of super-important tv experiences these two weeks), and i thought i’d give a shout-out to a now-cancelled show.

prep for the gif-fest, y’all.

the basic premise of the show is that June, a small-town girl, moves to NYC to prepare for the future she has meticulously planned – including a job on Wall Street and marrying her long-time boyfriend.

correct, gif-June. this whole plan goes up in smoke when the job – and the fiance – flop miserably. June has moved in with Chloe, who is a deliciously written character. she drinks martinis, is seventeen feet tall, and is the titular bitch.

June is the straight woman to Chloe’s fabulously insane antics, and i think the two play off each other well. HOWEVER. the most important part? James Van der Beek. he plays himself – only magnified approximately 1000 times. he is ridiculous and full of himself and i basically fell in love with him because of this show.

James and Chloe are best friends, and he and June slowly become friends as well. his Dancing With the Stars arc is pretty fantastic, and it appears that there are no images anywhere online of the episode where he performs. my google search history just got real weird (“are my hands made of pound cake james van der beek” is permanently associated with my internet self).

down the hall from Apartment 23 is Robin, a former roommate of Chloe’s who is obsessed with her.

across the way, with a window facing their kitchen, we find Eli, who is, among other things, a butter artist, wedding band singer, and mildly creepy in a sexual way.

he is not wearing pants here.

Luther is James’ assistant, and mostly there to say witty things or get James’ phone from James’ pocket.

finally, there is Mark, who works with June at a coffee shop, and, for most of the series, is in a deeply unhealthy relationship. it takes a Mike’s Hard Lemonade bender in the Hamptons for him to finally admit the truth: he has a crush on June.

the show is not particularly deep, but it’s funny, and the cast just clicks – Chloe and James are a particularly delightful duo to watch in action. if you want to try to get to a deeper meaning, i’d say your best bet is something to do with how terrible it is to try to plan out your life, because when it goes off-track, you learn a hell of a lot more. most of the show is June trying to do things according to plan, and Chloe purposefully setting those plans on fire, then drinking a martini and laughing. i think what i liked about the show, and what kept that blueprint from getting stale, was that Chloe and June have a good friendship – Chloe might screw things up, but she does it to keep June’s sense of Things Must Be a Certain Way from getting in the way. watching June come out of her shell and loosen up – but remain deeply earnest about everything she does – is pretty lovely.

finally? i just really enjoy the one-liners. anything Chloe says is the best. i will leave you with a series of gifs of her being clever, and a strong nudge towards your Netflix queue – watch and enjoy!

during her five day stint as managing editor of People magazine

i’m going to go buy a sparkly peplum top now. dammit, june.

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